Constantino Diaz-Duran is a fellow at the Center for Social Cohesion at Arizona State University. He is chronicling his walk from New York to Los Angeles to celebrate his eligibility for American citizenship. Follow Constantino’s progress.

The Yankees are on top of the AL East, and they have the best record in the league. But as happy as that makes me, this post is not about baseball. It’s about the curveballs this journey has thrown me, and the danger of sinking you face when you spend too much time alone.

A while ago I wrote about the physical challenges I faced the first week on the road. My body was in a lot of pain at the beginning of the trek, but it got better in just a few days. My muscles just needed to get used to the new demands I was making of them. I am happy to report that, more than two months into the walk, I am yet to suffer even a blister on my foot (getting running shoes instead of hiking boots was the best decision I’ve ever made), and regular stretching has kept my hip and leg muscles from tensing up.

The mind, however, is a lot harder to appease than your quads. I gave you all a glimpse into my feelings when I wrote about homesickness setting in. Well, that was just the beginning.

I won’t say that the weeks since Richmond have been bad. On the contrary, I have met some wonderful people, and I have made a lot of friends. I love being places I had never been before and exploring cities which I didn’t know were so much fun. These weeks, however, have been difficult.

I spend hours on end alone. These hours inevitably lead to lengthy inner dialogues. (And I mean “inner.” I haven’t talked to myself, except once, when I saw a group of teenagers who looked like they wanted trouble, and I decided to put on the “mental case” façade to keep them away – it worked.) I have always been something of a loner. Never have I ever been afraid of solitude – if anything, I’ve always cherished. But this time, I’ve realized, I’m facing a new animal. Having all this time for my thoughts is in many ways a blessing, but it is also a curse.

Your mind will bring you down in a way your body never could. And when your mind goes into a “funk” it takes a lot longer to get out of it than it does to stretch a muscle into submission.

This journey is changing me. The people I have met are changing me. When I left Richmond, I got a note from my hosts saying that they felt like they had known me a lot longer than a couple of days. When I said goodbye to Sue and Allen in Warrenton, NC, Allen echoed that sentiment – we had spent a fun evening listening to part of Allen’s impressive vinyl record collection, and by the next day it felt like we had all known each other longer than the 20 hours that had elapsed since we’d met.

I have thus come to realize that I have been starting every day for the last two months either alone, or by saying goodbye to a friend. This takes a toll.

It has taken me weeks to get my spirit back on its feet – so to speak. So if you’ve wondered why I haven’t been posting more, there you have it. But I’m finally snapping out of it. I have realized this is just part of the process, and rather than let the constant farewells bring me down, I’ve decided to focus on the continuous hellos. And rather than fight the nagging thoughts that take over my mind when I’m alone, I’m going to let them take hold, and make the life changes that they call for. After all, it would be sad to go through something like this and return home as if nothing happened.

The changes will only go so far – I will always, for example, bleed pinstripes – but I know that those that do occur will be for the better. And with that, I apologize for the interruption. Regular posting will now resume.

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*Photo by Constantino Diaz-Duran.