The bars I’ve loved for the past 20 years—from the Metro-North Bar Car I fell for as a teenager riding the commuter train to New York City to the little neighborhood bar in Brooklyn where I work one day shift every week—have given me many valuable things: a strong sense of community, places where I don’t have to dress up or make small talk or be anything but myself, and lessons in art, literature, sports—and listening—from my fellow bar patrons.

There’s a certain look that I tend to respond to in …