California Deserves the Royal Treatment From Britain’s Ruling Family

After Providing a Century of Service and a New In-Law, the Golden State Should Be Adopted by the House of Windsor

MEMO
To: Queen Elizabeth II
From: Joe Mathews
Re: Mutual respect

Your Majesty, I realize you move slowly, and I don’t mean to rush someone who turned 92 this week. But it’s high time that you showed California proper appreciation—by making our entire state an honorary member of the British royal family.

Perhaps that seems a bit much, and yes it might breach protocol, but ask yourself, Ma’am: Does your family have a more devoted servant than the Golden State?

Over the decades, you have had any number of flunkies and …

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The Greta Garbo of California Reservoirs Should Be Left Alone

Lake Mathews Is Beautiful, Lofty, and Forbidden. Humans, Keep Your Distance.

Stay away from my lake, Californians.

It’s too beautiful, and too important, for the likes of you.

It’s true that, as a legal matter, I don’t own Lake Mathews. But I’ve …