Science writer Jennifer Ouellette is the author, most recently, of The Calculus Diaries: How Math Can Help You Lose Weight, Win in Vegas, and Survive a Zombie Apocalypse. Before moderating a panel on why algebra matters, she talked about her faux-French Twitter avatar (Jen-Luc Piquant), her first car (a battered Toyota), and the cocktail you’re most likely to find her drinking (the Corpse Reviver #2).
What’s your drink of choice?
The Corpse Reviver #2, specifically. My husband makes a mean one. We’re big mixology fans. I know it’s got a little kiss of absinthe and a cherry at the bottom and some gin and various things like that … maybe it’s vodka. It’s citrusy and light, but when you serve it, it’s got this ghosty, misty thing going in the glass. It used to be a cure for the hangover—what you would drink the day after—I think the saying was that one would revive the corpse, but two or three, and the corpse would reappear.
What was your first car?
A battered Toyota Corolla from like 1976. I believe my sister totaled it after I left and moved away.
Who is the one person, living or dead, you’d love to have a beer with?
Now that’s hard. I’d actually like to say Michael Faraday. He was a physicist in the 19th century who worked a lot on electromagnetism. He was bad at math, but he was a brilliant experimentalist, and he would design these beautiful experiments. It kind of hurt him in terms of his scientific career, but a lot of what he did is actually behind our electric motors today.
How can math help me survive a zombie apocalypse?
The key thing is, you want to know what the optimal strategy is to survive. You can take models for how diseases spread, because the zombie plague is generally portrayed as a virus of sorts. Those models are based on calculus. It’s, how do you stop exponential growth? You have to kill as many as fast as possible. You need the Zombieland strategy. If you don’t, they will wipe out the human race in about three days.
Do you have any recurring dreams or nightmares?
I have the elaborate Hollywood blockbuster with all the explosions and escape attempts, and then I have horrible dreams where I’m either running to catch a flight or leading a panel discussion—which is how I know I’ve been doing them too much.
What’s your favorite cliché?
Actually it’s a line from Strictly Ballroom: “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.” It’s tacky, and yet I like it. There’s something that rings true even though it’s kind of schmaltzy.
What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
Wow, this is going to be embarrassing. “Juke Box Hero.” I could not get that song out of my head; it came on the radio for some reason. You almost never hear that song anymore, and it came on and it was in my head for two days.
What scientific principle is the least understood by the lay public?
I think people have a very intuitive understanding of things like energy conservation, but they don’t really understand how that translates into the cost of energy. They don’t understand statistics and probability—how, say, Vegas works. Even a slight 1 percent house advantage means you’re going to lose it all if you play along with it. As human beings, we’re very focused on short-term outcomes. We can get fooled into thinking we actually are winning or beating the system, but you’re not. We lack perspective on many of these things—whether it be the universe or Vegas.
How would you describe yourself in five words or less?
I’m kind of stubborn and intense. I can be silly. Independent? And surprisingly sentimental underneath it all. Kind of tough on the outside, but a soft gooey center.
What’s the biggest difference between you and your faux-French Twitter avatar?
Ah, Jen-Luc Piquant. She’s kind of like an evil twin or an alter ego, where she basically is the bad side of me. She’s far more selfish, far more narcissistic, cares far less about what other people think to the point of not caring about them at all. But she’s also a little more fearless, and I admire that in her. If there was one attribute I’d want to copy my avatar in, it would be her fearlessness. She’ll say what she thinks, often to the detriment of everything else.