I wish I were a killer whale

Sure, you would have to look beyond my 5-ton physique,
understand that a washboard stomach is only a dream,
and that I will always be hairless.

I could no longer open jars for you, mow the lawn,
scratch your back, scrub the toilet, pick up the dog poop
or simply
give you a thumbs up.

You would have to learn whale-speak,
because though my language skills
would be beyond most other animals on earth,
I could never learn English,
nor would I want to learn that stupid language anyway.

A boat may be …