Let’s Make a Deal to Keep Immigrant Families Together

California Should Have the Right to Grant Legal Residency to the Undocumented

To: Acting U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security Elaine Duke and Attorney General Jeff Sessions
From: The Golden (and Still Sovereign!) State
Re: An alternative to your mass deportation of Californians

This is a legal proposal, but I must start with the following stipulation.

You are monsters.

You are engaged in deportation of undocumented Californians, including many who are neither criminals nor threats to public safety, and are crucial members of our communities, our workplaces, and our families. In removing parents, you routinely orphan children who are U.S. citizens, and in …